Following my last post I’ve had a few people asking me about my PA’s and how the relationship works, particularly given the strange times we’re living through currently.
I have employed PA’s for over 20 years and from my lived experience of this relationship the reality is generally different from how it is perceived by others. For me, it seems that to others the relationship is perceived either as a friendship or that my PA’s are ‘looking after’ me. In reality neither of those is the case.
Over the years I have had many different PA’s coming into my home to work for me and the relationship is almost exclusively professional.
Due to the current situation we are all required to practise social distancing with anyone outside of our households, however it is not possible for me to do that with my PA’s because of the nature of the assistance I require.
As I’m not being able to spend time with friends and family at the moment, there could be a temptation for the relationship to become more emotionally dependent. However, these professional relationships remain the same. 
I recruit my PA’s through advertising; selecting potential employees based on their application form and then meeting for a face to face interview in a neutral setting; usually an office or a cafe. They do not visit my home or know where I live until they have accepted the job offer, references have been sought and police checks completed.
My PA’s work under my direction to facilitate what I need. I make the decisions about what I do on a daily basis; arranging meetings with work colleagues, friends or family and other activities such as days out and holidays. As an independent and autonomous person it is imperative that I initiate everything in the relationship.
Even though it is an intense relationship as my PA’s are in my home and assist me with intimate tasks, I relish my privacy. It is not necessary for me to share every detail of my life with my PA’s and to become emotionally attached to them and I’m sure that this feeling is mutual.
I suppose some of you reading this might think I’m a hard and distant person. The reality is that we are all unique and individual people and have different personalities which influence the way we connect with each other.
Although my PA’s are lovely people and have the skills and qualities do the job, the relationships I have with them are very different to those I have with friends and family. Generally I tend to find that remaining emotionally detached is the most effective way to maintain boundaries and keep the relationship healthy.
It’s an interesting concept given that at the moment everyone is required to social distance from everyone except those in their households, whilst being in almost constant contact with those they do live with.
I know that this is causing problems for many people who are finding that relationships with their partners or other people they live with are becoming increasingly strained.
Do you have a PA or someone who cares for you? Or are you a PA or carer for someone else?
Are you currently in lockdown with someone else and how does it feel to have to be in the constant company (more or less) of another person?
How are you managing your independence, personal space, professional distance etc?
Photo by Brooke Lark on Unsplash
